


Hush little baby

by Birdsinbikinis



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:54:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25894756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Birdsinbikinis/pseuds/Birdsinbikinis
Summary: "Hush little baby, don't you cry"
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Shimizu Kiyoko/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Tanaka Saeko/Tsukishima Akiteru, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter! Any feedback is welcome, also possible TW for suicide so please avoid this if that will trigger you!

I stared at my phone, eagerly awaiting a message from Daichi about practice next week, he had promised to message us about times as he could as things would be a bit jumbled next week because of his fathers hospitalization. He had been in hospital for about a week now and, as a consequence, Daichi had to miss multiple practices after school and -with him being the captain, this made things substantially harder for the team.So he has to re-jig the schedule for practice.

I cannot imagine how it feels, having someone so close to you in hospital, their wavering chests, their hollow cheeks, their pale complexion, their smell of hospital. I had only experienced this once when I was extremely young, about 5 or 6, when my grandpa was in hospital for cancer. All I can remember was when we visited him on his last day and I saw him lying in the hospital bed, an oxygen mask on his face and his body dishevelled. He looked as if he had collapsed in on himself merely becoming a shell of the man I once called ‘grandpa’.

“Yams,” my mothers voice summoned me downstairs, “come here- its important.”

Her voice sounded terrible , suggesting she had been crying before calling me down and her face confirmed this. Though she wasn’t terrible, with mascara running down her face and her eyes red and puffy, she looked bad enough for me to tell she had shed at least a few tears. I remember this face well, she had the same face when visiting my grandma to tell her of my grandpa’s passing and she had it that night when she sung a lullaby to me so I would sleep well.If I’m correct she sung ‘hush little baby’ through tears that threatened to escape her eyes.

I stepped into the door-frame of the kitchen, staring deeply into her ocean-blue eyes, they faltered for a second- immense sadness filling them as she let out a pained sigh. She walked towards me, reaching a hand up to my face and holding it there before pulling it towards herself and stroking through my hair,  
“My boy my sweet, sweet boy,” she cooed cradling my head like a baby, “Oh God, I’m sorry. So, So, sorry.” She pulled away from me to revealed tears running down her cheeks and falling to the floor.I opened my mouth letting out a small croak before she placed a hand on my lips and trailed it down to my hands taking them in her own and bowing her head,  
“Please don’t say anything, in case you regret it.I would tell you but I’m not the person who should- it’ll all be explained when you get to school… Now come along I’ll drive you there.”

I stood there,regret it? School?Drive? My mind was flooded with questions but- respecting my mothers request-I kept my lips tight as we walked to the car. Only letting out small sighs and shaky breaths.The night was cold on my skin, causing me to shiver as I walked towards the car fiddling with my hands as I clambered in, confusion flooding my head.  
We drove in silence until we got to the crossroad where me and Tsukki would meet in the morning and I couldn’t help the words slipping out of my mouth,  
“Mom, what’s Tsukki going to do.?” I said bringing my gaze to the woman driving the car, “It’s cold and his mother doesn’t have a car, we can’t let him walk in the cold!” She let out a small, breathy, sigh before speaking,  
“He’ll be fine Yams I’m sure-”, she stumbled in her words, visibly shuddering before continuing,”I’m sure he’ll be fine- besides where here now.” I looked out the window, realizing we were in fact outside of the gym building, I could see inside the gym slightly and it looked as though most were there already so I decided not to push my mom any further and get out the car, sending her a wave as she drove off.

I walked into the gym, immediately being struck by an atmosphere of disorder and panic, I glanced around the room, everyone seemed to be there but Tsukki, however when I walked in Ukai ordered everyone to sit down as ‘everyone was here’. I scanned the room, Tsukki wasn’t here so why, why was he starting- had he forgotten about him? Based on everybody else's faces they had all realised the same thing, but nobody mentioned it an stayed silent, staring at Ukai and waiting for him to speak,  
“Okay, so I bet your wondering why your here and why one of your team mates isn’t here,” the team shared a hum of agreement before resuming silence, “well, the reason Tsukishima isn’t here is because… he’s in the hospital- Tsukishima’s in the hospital.

I felt my eyes fill gasping at the words, Tsukishima my best friend was in hospital, why, why was he there,  
“WHY?” I screamed my voice breaking , “why is Tsukki hospital?” My voice mellowed at the end the realisation of what I had just said sinking in. T he whole room was staring at me as I stood there in tears, my hair a mess as I stood there staring at the man,  
“I thought you’d ask,” he sighed, you could almost see his mind working to piece a sentence, “Tsukishima, well… he tried to kill himself.”


	2. Chapter 2

I stood there, my legs threatening to give way under the weight of my body as I desperately tried to wrap my head my head around what I had just been told.

I balled my shirt into my fist letting out a pained grunt before letting my body begin to cry, long, sorrowful tears that seemed to accompany my long hoarse screams.However, they weren’t of pain, or guilt they were of pure raw anger.  
I was angry at Tsukki, how could he do this? Why couldn’t he have told me? At the team, why are they so calm?Why aren’t they crying? But most of all, at myself, why had I not noticed?Not been a good enough friend?

I remember a few years ago, we were sat on a hill just outside our middle school at the end of the day. Tsukishima was picking at the last of his lunch box, while I watched the wind blow the few leaves that had fell from the trees. It had been the transitional season of Summer to Autumn so a sparse- yet comfortable- amount of leaves scattered the ground creating a warm homely feeling.   
I had been thinking, a lot that day, about elementary school- more specifically the day me and Tsukki met. About why he had let me follow him around like a wide eyed puppy, why he still let me.

I turned to him tapping his leg and shuffling back so we were both sitting at the crest of the hill now, completely level,  
“Why?” I queried, garnering a confused look from the taller boy suggesting I should continue,”Why did you let me?”His face grew more confused by the time I finished and, as he began to pack up his lunch box, he spoke,  
“Why what, Yams? You aren’t making sense?” I stared at him, taking in his confused face as it became illuminated by the autumn sun before continuing,  
“Why did you let me follow you around? You were obviously, annoyed- angry even! So why?” By this point my eyes had teared up, releasing a single tear from my eye as I stared into his honey-brown one’s.

He reached out his hand, placing it to my cheek and wiping the tear, leaving his hand for me to rest my head in as he spoke,  
“Oh Yamaguchi,” his voice was soft and gentle, showing a new side to the sour boy, “I was never annoyed, well maybe a bit at first, but I’m not now. You’re my best friend after all.” I lifted my head out of his hand, I was his best friend? Nobody had ever called me their friend before, never mind their best friend. I was unsure of what to say, thank you seemed appropriate however I wasn’t sure so instead, I pointed out the sunset,  
“Look at the sunset Tsukki!Look!” I said pointing to the colour- changing horizon. After that we sat there taking in the magnificent view in a comfortable silence,  
“Tsukki, we will be frie- best friends forever… right?” He turned to me before turning to the view ,   
“As long as the sun sets.”

From that night we promised we would watch the sun set- no matter where we were- so even when we were apart we were still with each other, it’s cheesy but it had always been a comfort whenever was upset or sad I would stare at the sunset- almost feeling his presence beside me.

“At what time?” I managed to choke out, through tears, “ what time did he.. try to…” I didn’t want to say it, admit to myself that he had tried to do it, but I had to know if he had seen the sunset tonight, if he sat with me while I watched the sky turn from a beautiful ocean blue, to a deep orange, to a pitch black.The room stared at me, I understand why they were confused, they didn’t know about this, why would it be so important to me about what time he had tried to commit, but to me this was something that I held ever so closely, that gave me great comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2nd chapter! I did waffle a bit in this chapter, but i do quite like the way it came out! Any feedback is duly appreciated.


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